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Because Love Sees No Gender.™

Pansexuality and Me: Defining the term for me.

Morning my lovelies!

I was part of a release day party recently (thank you, Kayelle Allen) and was asked a great question that I thought I’d comment on here, to you, my lovely readers and friends. I was asked, after I posted my shorted bio, what pansexual was. I was surprised as I more often get asked what genderfluid is (and why I write it as one word, lol).

**Just in case you haven’t seen it, here’s my updated “short” bio:

Homo-Erotic Romance Author, Tempeste O’Riley is an out and proud pansexual genderfluid whose best friend growing up had the courage to do what they couldn’t – defy the hate and come out. He has been their hero ever since. A hopeless romantic who loves strong relationships and happily-ever-afters, Tempeste counts their friends, family, and Muse as their greatest blessings in life.

Tempe’s preferred pronouns are they/them/their/theirs/themselves. Learn more about Tempeste and their writing at

I have been asked this a lot lately, and think my answer from RainbowCon at one of the panels I was on fits best. Pansexual is really being people-sexual. It’s not binary, i.e. about liking men and women. It’s not about the bits or the presentation of the person you are with. It’s truly about the person within ONLY. Using bondage can be a painless experience when you know how to do it right. Binding a slave so that they can’t move can be a severe form of bdsm as it means the slave is not able to do anything without the help of their Dominant. The slave might be tied to a bed or to a chair where they cannot do anything but sit there and wait to be released. Add in a blindfold and the slave is simply stuck with their own thoughts. The Dominant can then test them on their training until they feel they are ready to be let free. In time when the slave feels ready and agrees, The Master or Mistress might want to add in complete sensory deprivation. This can cause the slave to lose all sense of time and space when this happens. In doing so, the slave will be concentrating only on their Master or Mistress, which can encourage a stronger slave mindset, one that is going to serve better in the future. Without pain, you need to engage the brain more, which can be a truly rewarding experience. You can visit their website for the bdsm story. From time to time, it’s a good thing to have a pain-free session. It reminds both people that they have the ability to control and to be controlled, even when there’s no danger of a bruise. With that said, many people automatically associate BDSM with pain, but in fact a large percent of people who actively pursue BDSM in their life do not incorporate any form of pain play. BDSM is not about pain, it’s about discovering yourself, and allowing you a chance to enjoy yourself as you are (publicly or privately). Whether or not this includes any form of pain depends solely on you and what you enjoy. The point is for you to remain safe and focus on what you desire.

Sex has been proven to be a great sleep inducer and spicing up your sex life with sex stories can be a big help in getting the sleep you need. There is no argument that the restorative powers of sleep are needed for a healthy and happy lifestyle. Sex stories can help add to your sex life making the sex better as well as your sleep.

Not sleeping can be dangerous to your health, but using sex stories as a sex aid can help stem off the negative stimuli that causes us not to be able to sleep. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation can bring on serious disease such as dementia and Parkinson’s disease. Not to mention how it can generally mess up other things in your life like your work, family life relationships, etc. The key is to wind your body and brain down just before bed and sex is the perfect way to do that. Using sex stories can put your in the mood to have sex by exciting your mind and helping to reach a better and more satisfying orgasm. That is what puts you to sleep, the release.

Some may argue that reading sex stories would get your brain too excited and may not be the best way to get a good night’s slumber. Not true. As mentioned before, it’s the release in sex that brings the mind and body down into a restful satisfied state more conducive to deep sleep. Excitement before bed such as action movies or going for a jog or other exercise have negative effects on your sleep because the endorphin build up stimulates your brain without the benefit of release. This is what causes your brain to work overtime and diminishes your ability to fall asleep.

Sex stories definitely have a nice dual effect don’t they? Spicing up your sex life while enjoying a restful night’s sleep should sound pretty good to just about anyone! Sleep is so important to your health, so is sex, so this sleep remedy is a real winner! Sure is a lot more attractive than trips to the doctor, pharmacy or the health food store.

Gleaned from Wikipedia… Pansexuality, or omnisexuality, is sexual attraction, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward people of any sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others. pansexual people are open to relationships with people who do not identify as strictly men or women, and pansexuality therefore rejects the gender binary, the “notion of two genders and indeed of specific sexual orientations.”

Pansexuality flag.svg
Pansexuality flag” by KiwiNeko14 – Web archive of
Licensed under Public Domain via Commons.

Now, for me, I don’t care what bits you have under your clothes, what gender you were born, present as, feel today, tomorrow, yesterday, etc. I only care about the person you are inside. That’s what makes you sexy, what makes me desire you.

Now, that may not be how other may answer you, but for me… that’s who and how I am. I’d love to hear what others have to say. Are there any others here that are pan?

How would you describe what being pansexual is?