Apr 09

Beliefs, Love, Bullying . . .

I know, I know . . . I talked last week about bullying and yet, here I am again. Well, yes, yes I am. You see, one of my children came home from playing with a neighbor friend and was upset, crying. While at his friend’s house, my one son heard the mom talking to a friend of hers – not an odd thing, right? Well, no. But, what my son overheard is what sent him home, scared.

I teach my children that love is love, no matter the gender, race, look, ability or disability, etc. Period! What my son heard was his friends mom and friend discussing how all fags deserve to die. How they are all pedophiles out to hurt and corrupt children. How they all want to _________ (fill in the blank with hate and vile wickedness).

Now, my son knows I’m bi. He knows that many of my friends, including my best friend since I was an infant, are gay, bi, lesbian, or in one case, defines self as a love-sexual – love over gender since hearts don’t have sex organs themselves. It’s actually a pretty fun lecture to hear, but I digress. My son knows all this, loves many of my friends as family and was terrified that something bad was going to happen to them because of people like his friend’s mother.

So, there I sat, trying to calm, comfort, and explain to my elementary school aged son that some people don’t understand how to truly love and that we must not hate them, but that he should probably not hang out over there anymore.

He wanted me to go over and explain that being different didn’t mean bad, and I wanted to cry myself. How to explain to my young child that those that hate aren’t interested in learning, especially without making it sound like I’m being just as judgmental as the friends mom.

We’ve all heard it before, right? The “you have to be like us or you’re evil” speeches? I know I’ve heard them a million times with a million different differences. Hell, I was even told by a friends S.O. that since I was bi, I was a perversion. That only straight and gay people were normal. That those of us, like me, that don’t see the wrapping, but the heart inside, are somehow less or sick because we “can’t make up our minds” or “we can’t be trusted because we all cheat” or my favorite, “God isn’t wishy-washy, so being bi can’t be natural. *Head tilt**Blink* WHAT?

Yes folks, even gays can be bigoted bullies, lol.

But, how do you explain any of that to a small child? Or his older brother who came in during all this and wanted to go have words with the “stupid woman.”

“What have I always told you is the law here?” I asked them both. “Other than the house rules.”

“That we can do and choose what we want as long as we don’t harm ourselves or others,” my older one explained. “But, she’s harming people with her hate and lies,” he continued.

And that’s the issue, really. Her hateful words were hurting others, and not just my son. How many people are hurt each day by hate? By those that believe they are the only ones that are right, true, pure, worthy? Even worse, that often use religion to hide behind . . .

I was taught that the Golden Rule, was “Do unto others as you would have them do unto to you,” not “Be like me or die.” Hmm, somehow those two thought just don’t connect for me.

Now, I could choose to ignore the mom and just keep my son away from her, which was my plan, but such was not to be. Not when she stopped by, worried about my son and hoping I would talk to him about the lies and sickness he had said to her.

My curiosity was piqued at that point. What had my young child said that was so bad?

She went on to explain that he had interrupted her talking with a friend, told her she was bad and lying about good people, and had then stormed off. *My little one had failed to mention he had yelled at friends mom, lol.*

Once I got her to explain what he had called her a lair about, things got interesting, though I reserve the right to cringe over some of what she said as she went into a lecture about decency, faith, morals, blah, blah . . .

Finally, I asked, “So, what you’re saying is that I should hate you because you aren’t married and never have been, right? I should say bad thing about you to my kids and anyone else that will listen about you? I should call your kids nasty words and treat them as less worthy of love and care because of you? I mean, you committed a few sins to get them right?”

She stood there staring at me, mouth agape. After sputtering a bit she finally said it wasn’t the same at all, she wasn’t a pervert out to destroy children or society. I really have to wonder how I’m destroying society by loving whom I love.

*Mind you, I have no actual problem with her having never been married. It is not my business why she chose not to marry her children’s father. It was simply the first thing I could think of that was also a sin by her supposed moral code.*

I don’t think she heard a word I said after that, and frankly, I don’t care. I probably should, but I cannot find the patience within myself to truly fight it out with her. I teach my children by example and hope I do a good job. I always strive to think about what I say and how I act to and about others.

Love is the law at our house. What is the law in yours?

Do you judge others by their orientation, ability/disability, monetary or social status, clothes, speech, past . . . Or do you judge by who they are inside, how they treat others and themselves? Do you see the wonderful person or only the wrapper?

Let me end by saying that while I can’t force the mom in the story above to love instead of hate, I can teach my children and live my life by those rules, and hope that by living it, others will see the love and joy too.

Stand up for love. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your friends. Stand up for what’s right. You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to be the same. But, accepting that different is okay is the best gift you can give the world.

We have enough hate, violence, and bullies. We have enough death without bullying others until they give up and die.

What we need is more love, understanding, and acceptance.

Which are you going to stand for? Which are you going to teach?

No one is perfect, but as for me and mine, LOVE IS THE LAW.



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    • maw25 on April 9, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Great post and just remember, you can’t change stupid. And some people are just stupid and you can’t change them. We have taught our son to love everyone and not to hate.

    Again, you can’t change stupid or stupid people.


      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 6:52 am

      Sadly, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean we should give up.
      I’m glad to hear that you are a No Hate family! Thanks for stopping by, Marika.

    • D'Ann Lindun on April 9, 2012 at 8:45 am

    I feel bad for you son. People are entitled to their opinion, but hurting a little kid is always wrong, wrong, wrong.

      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm

      He was really upset for a bit, but has decided that she just doesn’t understand love. My older son told him that some people don’t get that real love doesn’t judge and that he should feel sorry for her, not hate her.
      It was a cute conversation to listen in on.

  1. Shame on people for judging others. Especially when it involves little ones. We should protect our children, not teach them to judge others. Thanks for sharing your story, Marika, and hold that little one a little tighter tonight 🙂

      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

      Thanks, Jennifer.
      No matter what anyone believes, it’s not their right to try to “teach” my children to judge and hate.
      Hate and bigotry are learned, not natural. Love is natural. Which do I want my children to learn?. . . hum . . . ;c)

    • ebondreams on April 9, 2012 at 10:38 am

    I loved this as I told you before. Kudos to you and you’re family for how you love and love others. Shame on that neighbor….


      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 12:47 pm

      Thanks Nichelle… you and Jenna gave me to courage to post this!

  2. Awesome words to live by –

    We have enough hate, violence, and bullies. We have enough death without bullying others until they give up and die.

    What we need is more love, understanding, and acceptance.

      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

      Thank you.
      I just wish more heard and understood them. I hate seeing the death toll go up as it does daily.

  3. I have an answer honed by my love of religious debate. As a Christian, you’re told to love one another. Hate, even disguised as showing others that they are wrong, is not love. And since God made everything, hating someone who is different, someone God made, is placing your opinion ubove God’s

      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

      And that makes you a true Christian, Ella. I’ve read the Bible and I failed to see where he said love your neighbor, unless…
      He who is without sin, Yes.
      Love unless. No
      We need more that are loving like you.

    • Brenda on April 9, 2012 at 11:06 am

    This is such a great post!
    You know, I’m so sick of people–like that mother– in this world trying to FORCE their beliefs on others. And when others don’t agree then they preach how wrong it is. Love is love!
    Also, what has always bothered me is judgmental people. Why do they feel the need to judge how other people live, love, survive? We all have the right to be who we are…right? I would like to think so, but I know that is very naive.
    I believe in God–and I believe he loves us all no matter who we love. LOVE is the greatest gift.

      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

      Love is a gift, and should be cherished (and the gender/s involved should have no bearing on that love).
      Thank you for your words, Brenda. :c)

    • Melissa Limoges on April 9, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Awww, I’m so sorry to hear that happened to your son. The lady should have been ashamed of herself. Regardless of her feelings, she didn’t need to relay them to him or even while he was around.

    I agree with earlier comments about people being stupid. Sadly, they seem to make up a large chunk of the population as well. If people would focus on their own crap and left others alone, the world might actually be a bit more productive.

    I live firmly by the motto, “To each their own..”. If we were all the same, the world would be an entirely dull place, wouldn’t it? So, keep on teaching your children to love all people no matter what and forget about that ignorant, miserable b****. 🙂

      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm

      Thanks, Melissa. It’s hard to ignore miserable B****s when they not just spout hate at my kids but follow him home to spout it at me too.
      I’m just thankful that my boys know better than to listen to hate talk.

  4. Like Melissa, I’m a firm believer in “To each, their own.” If someone’s not hurting others (and I’m not talking about the angst of people who can’t get over themselves because of someone’s lifestyle), I don’t care who they love. It’s none of my business. Lol, everybody just needs to live their own life, not others’.

    Great post!

      • TempeO on April 9, 2012 at 9:32 pm

      What a world it would be if everyone lived their OWN life ;c)
      Thank you for stopping in and for your words. I wish more people were like you *hug*

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